FADE IN:
INT. LIVING ROOM OF TERRACED HOUSE, SHEFFIELD
SMILING BOBBY is watching Neighbours on the television. The phone rings. SMILING BOBBY mutes the television and answers the phone.
SMILING BOBBY
Hello.
EXT. HOTEL POOLSIDE, LOS ANGELES – DAY
FILM EXEC
Hey Smiling Bobby! How you doin’?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
SMILING BOBBY
Fine, fine, just watching Neighbours. I was just about to put the kettle on.
FILM EXEC
Glad I caught you. I need your thoughts about that new movie. What would you like to see?
SMILING BOBBY
Let’s start with Vegas.
FILM EXEC
You got it.
SMILING BOBBY
And gambling. Reckless gambling. And Jason Statham.
FILM EXEC
OK, I’ll see if he’s free. What else?
SMILING BOBBY
Dirty fighting, some of it to Christmas songs, some of it with cutlery.
FILM EXEC
Cutlery? That seems very specific….
SMILING BOBBY
…and involve that guy who was co-director for The Transporter.
FILM EXEC
Corey Yuen?
SMILING BOBBY
That’s him. I want Stanley Tucci to play a cameo as a mob boss called Baby.
And I want the cinema to give me free pie when I go to see it.
FILM EXEC
You know free pie at the movie theater might just be out of our jurisdiction….
SMILING BOBBY
Then I want William Goldman to write the screenplay.
FILM EXEC
You want what?
SMILING BOBBY
You heard me. I want William Goldman.
FILM EXEC
OK, OK. We’ll try. Come to think of it, that story does sound a bit like his
novel Heat. Always good to talk to you Bobby.
SMILING BOBBY
Say hi to Jason for me.
FADE OUT:
If you like a well-written action movie along the lines of the above, go to see Wild Card whilst it’s still playing in cinemas. There won’t be free pie, but you won’t be sorry.
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